Getting old is awkward

I'm not saying I'm old, but... I've been noticing some changes and they're kind of awkward.  And I'm not so sure I'm ready to embrace them.

Like this random hair that suddenly made an appearance on my neck.  What is that about?

And there's the girls.  If I'm not mistaken, they are lookin' a little... deflated.  I mean, I've been relying on underwire since about the 7th grade, but this is some serious pancake action.  I thought this was only supposed to happen after you breastfed a baby...

Then there's the bottom half. These dimples ain't cute.  I mean, I've always had a little extra cushioning down there, but there's just something that's a little more...saggy than I remember.

Oh Lord.  Help me embrace these new lovable changes or belly up to the barbells...